I didn’t succeed with Nablopomo this month, but I did succeed with doing an absolute ton of stuff. But it has not been enough for everyone around me. Expectations placed on mothers are sometimes huge and unrealistic ones. Sometimes mothers do not live up to expectations both realistic and unrealistic. Moms are humans.
Daughters are human too, but sometimes they are scary monsters. Zilla got her nickname with good reason. This past week has been a roller coaster of ups and downs. Her last semester of college was this past week. She attended the more intimate School of Science Graduation where the graduates actually walk across the stage while a saying they have chosen is projected on the stage’s backdrop and hands are shaken and recognition given. It was good. She had a bit of a melt down when we were where we were told to go after the ceremony and not where she thought we would be, but we all survived, met up, and her sister, father and I are all very proud.
Did I mention her sister who lives in NYC along with hubby and twin 1 year old daughters are all in Southern Arizona for the Holidays?
Zilla has always easily been wound up and at times has difficulty disengaging and the stress of finals, the details and expenses of graduation, coupled with her understandable anxiety about completing applications for graduate school in in the next few weeks, and about moving across the country and away from nearby family shortly after the New Year is taking its toll on her. The graduation party at our house was a success… both the early part with our friends and those folks with small children, and the later part that was more raucous and composed mainly of her friends were pleasant and appropriately celebratory for the people to whom they were tailored.
Still I am the target of my baby’s scorn more often than not in the past week as not everything is unfolding as smoothly nor exactly in the manner she envisioned and she feels the need to affix as much blame as possible to me. I actually understand this. It doesn’t mean that I accept the blame nor tolerate the scorn, but I understand why we are so touchy about everything. My therapist once reminded me that often it is easier to leave a place or person when there is some anger reinforcing the necessity of the separation.
I’m proud of my baby. This is a difficult time because we are close, stress is high, and it makes us both sad to think of being so far away from each other. We will get through it and it is instructional to learn that being close can make for more stress at times of transition than families that are not as close and just going through the motions required of a formal occasion.